I’m a children’s author with lots of school speaking and conference organising under my belt. But something shifted. At my last school visit, in front of a hall full of kids, I started to worry about what could go wrong. As the head teacher bigged me up, the feeling of impending doom ballooned. I thought I might have to actually leave the room. And this was something I used to enjoy!
I am a creature of nerves but there is a line to walk. On one side of this line, my nerves give me energy and the joyful ability to have a bit of fun in front of others and to express what I really want to say. Fall down on the other side and I withdraw or stutter, because my nerves have got the better of me. I like my nerves but I don’t want them to be in charge of me.
So when my long time friend, and newly minted writing partner suggested I try Talent Campus, I said, maybe?
I looked at the schedule and thought flpping heck, this is full on. Then I thought, it’s also jampacked with all the stuff I really need to know and crucially with experiences guaranteed to challenge my nerves. I applied and to my surprise, I got in! I was so happy for a week! Then, I started to think about what was to come … and frankly I became very nervous about how I was going to cock up and be a gulping mess in front of people who obviously knew exactly what they were doing.
This is the reality. The entire Talent Campus has been an incredible, energising, inspiring and open hearted experience. The industry speakers were universally brilliant in their insights and generosity of giving knowledge. As a fangirl, I kicked myself that I forgot to bring John Yorke’s ‘Into the Woods’ for him to sign – what an excellent masterclass that was. The pitching was always going to be my biggest challenge. I think I was at fever pitch level 9 out of 10 by the time it got to Pitch Time with Bob. Then Chris wheeled out the surprise friends to ‘help out’ and well, the get out now sirens were going off in my head.
I stayed. I did it. And of course, it was fine! Over these few days, I have begun to learn not to anticpate so much. As Chris said, let the future take care of itself. By the end I was able to stand up, take a microphone, speak into it and have some fun saying things, knowing that it was okay not to be perfect. Because this was a safe space where help was at hand from the most important element of this programme, the people.
The people, oh, the most wonderful people, all there with their fantastic work, and insights and restorative hugs. We made a fellowship there which I carry with me now. I also want to say thankyou to Bob Schulz, or Professor Awesome. And to Chris Jones. When he said on a pre-ignition zoom call, this will be the most transformative experience of your adult life, I thought, pardon? But thanks, Chris, it has been.
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addyfarmer.com
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Children’s author, fiction and nonfiction; screenwriter
